For making more human connections, I often think this old bit of advice from Anne Lamott to compliment strangers when you can, especially the elderly. For me, it has led to some good interactions in grocery store parking lots and in the streets of big cities.
I love finding common cause with older women this way, in line at the grocery store especially. Always reminds me of how much we have in common despite our surface differences.
Thanks for sharing the Prescription for America -- I wish it would somehow be required reading of everyone. It's something I felt deep inside for large chunks of my 20s and 30s, and thankfully I realized I needed to really, really, really emphasize making connections, which is hard for me because I'm naturally introverted and disinclined to make the first move.
The rule I've applied to my life as I've tried to grow my connections is "keep showing up." That, too, can be hard when you are totally into solitude, like me. But my strongest and deepest connections have come with the groups where I've most deeply invested my time over months and years (and years and years.) I've found this with my book club, my neighbors and a group of folks who love open-water swimming/cold plunging no matter the weather. I had a bit of luck in that invitations were extended to me to join the book club and the swimming group, but I still had to push through some discomfort with feeling awkward and disconnected in those early days in both groups.
okay I am SO impressed by the open water swimming and cold plunging! My inner introvert has such a hard time joining a bunch of strangers....I can't imagine joining strangers to jump into cold water!!
I cannot say enough about the community I’ve found through AA. But of course, not useful if you’re not an alcoholic. However! There are dozens of other types of 12-step groups and even more other types of support groups (online and in-person), and as weird and hard as it feels pouring your heart out to strangers, it really helps in building a community of people who get “it,” whatever that “it” is.
Making connections is also about finding your tribe. I know you ride bikes, which often doesn't work in the snow, but if you have connections through them, try proposing other outdoor activities (e.g., hiking) with those same folks. I've had a blast hiking with my biking friends!
The #uglydogs on Bluesky help keep me sane. Some are people I have interacted with for seven or so years. Many I have met in person, and meeting them was like meeting up with old friends!
I don't socialize much with people outside my small circle because of Covid, but between working with and for people I care about, hanging with animals I love, and keeping in touch with my favorite family and friends, I'm pretty content.
I do not know you, and you do not know me. I am drawn to your substack, though because I am easily distracted by livestock blogs; and because we spent a very brief posting in East Tennessee (during which time we made a couple of close friends whom we visit when we can).
I understand that your support for censorship on social media likely comes from a place of wanting to protect society from harm, misinformation, or dangerous content. It’s clear you care deeply about maintaining safety and fostering a positive environment. I care, as well, which is why I believe actual conversations about this are crucial. We have lived in places where the freedom of speech was suppressed, subtely and not so subtley. I have visted countries where I have had to change my behaviors to adapt to cultural norms. What I discovered was that the more I was exposed to people with different thoughts, the more my own thinking was enhanced.
About 10 years ago I did a "Digital Detox."
1. No phone on my night table, unless one of our children was traveling. We lived overseas, and they traveled for sports and academic events; we always required them to "message along the way." They're now 20-somethings and they routinely message when they are on travel.
2. I have an X account because it the only way to follow a humorist that I appreciate (and I love the We Rate Dogs feed.) I have a FB account with 39 friends and I could probably reduce that by half.
3. Over coffee in the morning, my husband and I read comparable headlines from the NY Times and the Wall Street Journal on a current event. We discuss the merits of each and then go about our days.
4. I devote only 30 minutes each day to social media. I now live in rural-adjacent Northern Virginia and have worked hard to find my "tribes." I started a Book Club, where I have been exposed to genres of books that I would not ordinarily read. I formed an Art Club, where once every couple of months we take in an exhibit somewhere. I have invited strangers to my home for a lesson on pierogi-making, and a couple of the women and I are now friends who do things together.
Your tribe is out there, and likely not on social media. It may not be filled with people who share you ideology, but I guarantee you will find wellness nonetheless.
These are helpful practices, thank you for sharing! I am not really advocating for censorship on social media, though. X is Musk's company, and he can do what he wishes with it. But I don't want to create free content for him, especially not for free. This is less about me telling him what to do and more about me removing myself from a situation that feels increasingly like it's not serving my mental health. I have enjoyed hearing from a wider range of voices now that I live in rural Tennessee. But I definitely find those conversations are most meaningful and productive when had in person.
I like your 30-minute rule, and I love your Art Club idea! I bet you all have seen some neat exhibits together. And I would LOVE to learn to make pierogis! How fun! Thanks so much for sharing your ideas with me!
For making more human connections, I often think this old bit of advice from Anne Lamott to compliment strangers when you can, especially the elderly. For me, it has led to some good interactions in grocery store parking lots and in the streets of big cities.
I love finding common cause with older women this way, in line at the grocery store especially. Always reminds me of how much we have in common despite our surface differences.
This is lovely advice! Which Anne Lamott book is this in? I do love her work!
Thanks for sharing the Prescription for America -- I wish it would somehow be required reading of everyone. It's something I felt deep inside for large chunks of my 20s and 30s, and thankfully I realized I needed to really, really, really emphasize making connections, which is hard for me because I'm naturally introverted and disinclined to make the first move.
The rule I've applied to my life as I've tried to grow my connections is "keep showing up." That, too, can be hard when you are totally into solitude, like me. But my strongest and deepest connections have come with the groups where I've most deeply invested my time over months and years (and years and years.) I've found this with my book club, my neighbors and a group of folks who love open-water swimming/cold plunging no matter the weather. I had a bit of luck in that invitations were extended to me to join the book club and the swimming group, but I still had to push through some discomfort with feeling awkward and disconnected in those early days in both groups.
Love this!
okay I am SO impressed by the open water swimming and cold plunging! My inner introvert has such a hard time joining a bunch of strangers....I can't imagine joining strangers to jump into cold water!!
I cannot say enough about the community I’ve found through AA. But of course, not useful if you’re not an alcoholic. However! There are dozens of other types of 12-step groups and even more other types of support groups (online and in-person), and as weird and hard as it feels pouring your heart out to strangers, it really helps in building a community of people who get “it,” whatever that “it” is.
Making connections is also about finding your tribe. I know you ride bikes, which often doesn't work in the snow, but if you have connections through them, try proposing other outdoor activities (e.g., hiking) with those same folks. I've had a blast hiking with my biking friends!
The #uglydogs on Bluesky help keep me sane. Some are people I have interacted with for seven or so years. Many I have met in person, and meeting them was like meeting up with old friends!
I don't socialize much with people outside my small circle because of Covid, but between working with and for people I care about, hanging with animals I love, and keeping in touch with my favorite family and friends, I'm pretty content.
I do not know you, and you do not know me. I am drawn to your substack, though because I am easily distracted by livestock blogs; and because we spent a very brief posting in East Tennessee (during which time we made a couple of close friends whom we visit when we can).
I understand that your support for censorship on social media likely comes from a place of wanting to protect society from harm, misinformation, or dangerous content. It’s clear you care deeply about maintaining safety and fostering a positive environment. I care, as well, which is why I believe actual conversations about this are crucial. We have lived in places where the freedom of speech was suppressed, subtely and not so subtley. I have visted countries where I have had to change my behaviors to adapt to cultural norms. What I discovered was that the more I was exposed to people with different thoughts, the more my own thinking was enhanced.
About 10 years ago I did a "Digital Detox."
1. No phone on my night table, unless one of our children was traveling. We lived overseas, and they traveled for sports and academic events; we always required them to "message along the way." They're now 20-somethings and they routinely message when they are on travel.
2. I have an X account because it the only way to follow a humorist that I appreciate (and I love the We Rate Dogs feed.) I have a FB account with 39 friends and I could probably reduce that by half.
3. Over coffee in the morning, my husband and I read comparable headlines from the NY Times and the Wall Street Journal on a current event. We discuss the merits of each and then go about our days.
4. I devote only 30 minutes each day to social media. I now live in rural-adjacent Northern Virginia and have worked hard to find my "tribes." I started a Book Club, where I have been exposed to genres of books that I would not ordinarily read. I formed an Art Club, where once every couple of months we take in an exhibit somewhere. I have invited strangers to my home for a lesson on pierogi-making, and a couple of the women and I are now friends who do things together.
Your tribe is out there, and likely not on social media. It may not be filled with people who share you ideology, but I guarantee you will find wellness nonetheless.
These are helpful practices, thank you for sharing! I am not really advocating for censorship on social media, though. X is Musk's company, and he can do what he wishes with it. But I don't want to create free content for him, especially not for free. This is less about me telling him what to do and more about me removing myself from a situation that feels increasingly like it's not serving my mental health. I have enjoyed hearing from a wider range of voices now that I live in rural Tennessee. But I definitely find those conversations are most meaningful and productive when had in person.
I like your 30-minute rule, and I love your Art Club idea! I bet you all have seen some neat exhibits together. And I would LOVE to learn to make pierogis! How fun! Thanks so much for sharing your ideas with me!
Shared your post. I am moving away to other places... like Substack